Ask Questions

When you finally do respond, try to not simply hammer your own point. Refuse the impulse to tell your story on the topic. Ask open questions such as “How do you interpret this?” , they are powerful tools to deepen a conversation and uncover hidden reasoning.

For example, if someone is sharing how they are sad about a lost pet, do not respond by talking about when this last happened to you. Instead, ask them a follow-up question to show that you care about their experience.

Show your attentiveness using sentences such as “I can imagine how sad you must have been,” or in a happy update, “I hope you are impressed with yourself!”

By showing respect in your response, you show the speaker that they are worthy of respect. The more you practice these tips, the entire process of active listening will feel more fluid.

Paraphrase

Paraphrasing is another powerful communication tool. Starting with sentences such as “So you are saying that…” or repeating in your own words what you believe the other person said, are ways to show that you followed the conversation and understand.

You can also paraphrase by asking the speaker a question, such as, “So are you saying that you felt uncomfortable in that experience?” or “What did you do after this happened?”

A recent study found that while paraphrasing does not necessarily make people feel understood, it does create a greater sense of closeness and intimacy in a conversation. This is a key part of building trust and possible friendships.

Tolerate silence.

Resist the urge to fill moments of silence. There are different types of silence. Respecting quiet moments can a powerful tool for a deep conversation. It gives the speaker and receiver a chance to reflect and continue with this process. So often we rush to “fill” silence, right before someone has a breakthrough thought to share.

If you find silence difficult, you can encourage the person to continue by asking open questions such as “What do you make of this?” or “Tell me more about what happened.”

Do not underestimate silence for a potentially rich conversation.

Practice Non-Judgment.

Being mindful means practicing non-judgment. There is no need to agree or disagree with what is being said or evaluate the statements being made.

Remember that offering your active presence is more important than having their deeper question answered. A skilful active listener is able to simply receive the message without the need to judge or respond with their own bias.

Pay attention to the speaker, not your own thoughts.

Devote your whole attention to the speaker. Being mindful means being present in the moment and paying attention to what is happening right now. In a conversation, this means observing the speaker while they are sharing their story.

Be aware of subtle changes in their voice, the way they mimic you, the words they use and the emotions they are experiencing. Try to truly understand the thought process of your conversation partner.

Observe your own thoughts, but from a distance, and resist the temptation to engage in them.

Nonverbal involvement

Look at your counterpart instead of studying people passing by. Show your attention by nodding your head or raising your eyebrows. Make sounds that indicate attentiveness. Remember that even by listening, we are communicating non-verbally.

“We may believe that we are good listeners, but listening is more than waiting for your turn to interrupt.”

Connecting with others is an absolute need for human beings. Feeling as though we belong is a fundamental when it comes to personal wellbeing. It is simple connection and belonging increases our life satisfaction.

A way that we can contribute to someones wellbeing is through active listening.

Our beliefs, life experiences, opinions and perceptions are the glasses we wear to view the world through, it impacts everything and how we evaluate and receive information, active listening is being able to put our personal biases aside or ‘take the glasses off’ and be present and in the moment with the person in front of us.

The next couple of quick tips will dive deeper into six ways we can do this.